ed hardy sucks

Ed hardy sucks. It doesn't just suck, it sucks a piping hot, sore-covered aids dick. The kind layed out to cool like an infectious pie on the windowsill of an aids bakery. Just like grandma used to make.

This epidemic of bullshit began in Los Angeles, crept over to Miami, and is slowly beginning to sink its gaudy eye-popping claws into urban centers across America. This instant faux pas came from none other than Christian Audiger, the clothing mastermind behind revered and iconic fashion houses such as Von Dutch (remember those cool trucker hats?)

Lets examine the physical embodiment of cool that is Ed Hardy, interchangeably referred to as "Don Ed hardy" (if that isn't already an indication of how cuntacious this all is). A statement from the company:

"Using his unrivaled understanding of design, Christian has created a lifestyle brand that is quickly on its way to becoming a milestone on the fashion timeline. This unique understanding is what makes the brand so compelling to retailers and consumers alike."

What is a "lifestyle brand", aside from a bullshit buzzword used to label something that has no substance or credibility, and as such cannot stand on its own? In his "unrivaled understanding of design", Christian Audiger plopped a few noisy multi-colored tattoos onto tshirts, hiked up the price of a simple tshirt to 110 dollars to create the illusion of taste and exclusivity, and crossed his fingers. It worked. This trend spread from one dumbass flatbiller socal bro to another, then to miami muscleboy douchebags, and beyond.


A friend of mine put it best:

"Ed hardy looks like it was created for trailer trash, but due to its pricetag it's tailored to tasteless 30k-millionaires instead"

The solution is fairly simple. Anyone that wears ed hardy should be corralled into a wood chipper whose exit chute feeds into the bottom of a fast flowing river denying anyone the opportunity to find the remains for a proper funeral.

That might have been mean but it's hard to be held accountable for what one writes while under the influence of a genuine Ed Hardy Celebrity Energy Drink. I'm not kidding, this actually exists:

Now excuse me while I get a good night's sleep under my 600 dollar Ed Hardy bedspread so I can bro out with my bros tomorrow, in a seedy socal, jersey, or miami beach club near you.